Guest Post: Rayne Hall

For today's post, Rayne Hall has generously offered to share her editing experience and provide some suggestions on how to make your writing more concise. Dig in!

Could You Do Without 'Could'?

by Rayne Hall

In thirty years as an editor, I've found the same fatty words bloat the style of many authors.

Here is a notorious, fattening, calorie-rich word: 'could'.  If you cut it from your diet, your writing style will become sharper and tighter.

Beginner writers are prone to overusing it. Experienced authors may use it a lot in their drafts, but edit it out in the final version.

Instead of telling us that the heroine could see, could hear, could smell, or could feel something, let her see, hear, smell, taste, feel it. Simply cut the word 'could'.

'Could see' becomes 'saw', 'could hear' becomes 'heard', 'could smell' becomes 'smelled', ' could taste' becomes 'tasted', 'could feel' becomes 'felt'.

Better still: cut 'see/hear/smell/taste/feel' as well.  If you have established the point of view of your story, you don't need to say that your PoV hears the sounds, smells the smells, and sees the visions.

Obese version (before diet)

He could hear footsteps clanking down the stairs.

Overweight version (after mild diet)

He heard footsteps clanking down the stairs.

Slim version (after strict diet)

Footsteps clanked down the stairs.

Obese version (before diet)

She could see his lips beginning to twitch.

Overweight version (after mild diet)

She saw his lips beginning to twitch.

Slim version (after strict diet)

His lips twitched.

Obese version (before diet)

She could feel her cheeks firing.

Overweight version (after mild diet)

She felt her cheeks firing.

Slim version (after strict diet)

Her cheeks fired.

Obese version (before diet)

She could sense that something was wrong.

Overweight version (after mild diet)

She sensed that something was wrong.

Slim version (after strict diet)

Something was wrong.

Obese version (before diet)

He could understand that it was time to leave.

Overweight version (after mild diet)

He understood it was time to leave.

Slim version (after strict diet)

It was time to leave.

Obese version (before diet)

He could feel the air chill.

Overweight version (after mild diet)

He felt the air chill.

Slim version (after strict diet)

The air chilled.

Use your word processor's Find & Replace tool to count how many times you've used 'could', and cut most of them.

This will help make your writing style tight and toned.

Rayne Hall is a professional writer and editor. She teaches online workshops for intermediate, advanced, and professional level writers. Topics include 'Writing Fight Scenes', 'Writing Short Stories to Promote Your Novels', 'Writing Scary Scenes', 'Writing about Magic and Magicians', and more.

One of the classes is 'The Word-Loss Diet'. If your writing style tends towards wordy waffling, if your critique partners urge you to tighten, and if editorial rejections point out dragging pace, this class may be the answer. It's perfect for toning your manuscript before submitting to editors and agents, or for whipping it into shape before indie publishing.  This is an interactive class with twelve lessons and twelve assignments, for writers who have a full or partial manuscript in need of professional polish. At the end of the class, you may submit a scene for individual critiques.

For an up-to-date list of Rayne's next classes, go to https://sites.google.com/site/writingworkshopswithraynehall/